Ok, it’s been 6 months since my breakdown and rebirth, many things I still don´t understand, what really happened to me and who I am. I daily learn new things about myself. I react in new ways and surprise myself. But in general life has turned to the better. Not that everything has been easy queasy. Just in the last two months there has happened a lot. In the time of just two weeks we got the news that my work for a company I served for 13 years will end in December, our daughter got diagnosted with an eating disorder ( Anorexia ) and my wife`s father passed away. We just last year bought a big house and spent lots on the remodeling ( all my savings and some ) before we moved in and now IM going be out of work..!
So we spent the summer so far going to the doctor with our daughter, having a funeral, and so that things would not be too easy my wife`s father lived in another country. And of course I spent some time thinking about what IM going to do for a living. My wife has been home with the kids for almost 15 years so IM the sole bread winner. As counting from today I got 5 months to think of something , get started and from January on make a good income from it. No stress!
Before anyone suggests, working for somebody else is not an option even if that would be the easy way, the Wolf will not be caged. I will hunt free for my living or starve doing it. It´s the way of the nature. It´s mildly said weird that only last year, a couple of months ago I would have been totally devastated. Cried myself to sleep, worried myself to death. All day long thought of all things that could go wrong!
Of course these things had an impact on me. I would be worried if not. But am I scared? No! Am I sick of worry and self-doubt? No!
I have found Pease, and a state of no fear! The wolf does not succeed with every hunt but does the wolf fear the hunt? I think not. The hunt is in the blood, the hungrier it gets the more it craves to eat. I have a new found calm state and I belive that with every door that closes one will open. Life is full of possabilities! No time in history has there been so many options, so much pray. So I smile in the face of adversary. I know that even if I lose all I have, job, house, wife! I can take it all back. I can have a good life. If I only stay true to myself, not lose faith. After all The wolf doesn’t lose faith in his ability to hunt why should you?
So no fear! The hunt is in the blood.